CW: please note this is just for the shits n gigs this isn't serious, lowk some batsis!reader mentions in this bc it's me yk i have to.
...He's your brother's best friend
-> WALLY, ROY, DICK, Kyle, Garth, Conner
....Texts in all caps
-> Wally, BART, MJ Carter, Roy (types normally until he's either angry or excited and then it's just "BROOOO WHAT THE FUCKIESSSS")
...Has no sense of humour
-> BRUCE BRO, J'onn :( , lowkey arthur (but his sense of humour is so specific like you either understand it or you don't), Damian (but he says something devastatingly hilarious unintentionally and gets offended when everyone laughs) CLARK (ok listen his jokes are objectively terrible but everyone finds their delivery to be hilarious)
...Gets stuck in revolving doors
-> Bart. that's all i'm gonna say no elaboration is necessary
...Confidently sings the incorrect lyrics to a song. it's a well known song too. he's fr remixing the remix
-> Garth i'm sorry, Ollie (chooses to not sing the correct lyrics bc he insists his version is better), Dick (knows he's wrong and does it to piss people off and it works spectactularly well) Garfield (he does it seriously and it pisses Rachel off to no end)
...CHEWS SO FRICKING LOUDLY like boy stfu
-> Jason bruh (catch him balls deep in some chilli dogs he WILL be tearing that shit up), GUY, Wally (i think this is canon bruv)
...Talks mad shit and then goes "I'm just saying!"
-> Klarion, c'mon guys. Icicle Jr. (says such inflammatory shit and thinks you're being unreasonable) Dick methinks (but in a ragebait kind of way from his robin days) TIM (weaponised passive aggression) Jason ("I'm not saying your plan is stupid. I'm just saying I'd rather get shot."), Guy (also another villain ragebaiter)
...says he doesn't care about his looks but he spends hours styling his hair and proceeds to mess around with it like every 20 seconds
-> DICK (THIS IS CANON NVSIJDJISDJNV, he also checks his reflection in every mirror), TIM, Conner, Jaime
...Is a mouth breather. Snores too.
-> Barry 100%, Roy (sleeps like he fighting for his life) , does Garth count? HAL (OMFG HE SNORES LIKE A FOG HORN SOMEONE GET THIS MAN A CPAP, actually not even a snore a BROADCAST) GUY GUY GUY
...genuinely asks "Where my hug at?"
Clark but in an endearing way (where's my hug kiddo?) so it's acceptable, HAL, GUY GUY GUY AGAIN
...never knows which way the door opens
-> GARFIELD, Victor (come on boy), jaime
...burps loud asf thinking it's funny but it's actually just disgusting :/
-> Garfield, Wally, Roy bc it pisses Jason off
...packs too much for any trip. takes 8 pairs of underwear in case he shits his pants twice a day
-> Michael Holt, Ted, Damian, TIM, BRUCE (i'm sensing a theme)
...has the sneeze of a marine veteran
-> John Stewart (is THE marine veteran in question), Hal (the kind of sneeze that makes everyone stop talking), Bruce (1 singular violent sneeze that echoes in the middle of the Batcave and everyone just silently looks at him), Michael Holt
...has the worst spice tolerance known to man. starts coughing over sweet chilli and sour cream chips bro.
-> Tim (ok his spice tolerance isn't that bad but he's eating something and he chokes slightly and it all goes to shit he's spending the next 10 minutes suffering), Conner (is visibly turning red whilst denying it) MJ Carter
...burns in the sun no matter how much sunscreen he puts on
-> Arthur (the irony of an atlantean being cooked on land), Tim (HIS ASS ROASTS) Wally (whitest man known to earth), Roy (is convinced it'll turn into a tan soon, is literally that scott disick meme)
....chews gum obnoxiously loud
-> Dick & Wally (they enable each other)
...is never on time to ANYTHING
-> Bart ("I'm almost there" means his ass hasn't left) Conner (has been "almost there" for the past 45 minutes) Wally (time is a spiritual concept for him), ykw just list all the speedsters
...also can't estimate time whatsoever. when you're going out and he says he'll be there in 5 minutes, just take the hit and assume he means 30
-> ibid.
...is lactose intolerant yet consumes cheese like it's nobody business. acts like he's never had cheese/dairy once before in his life and yk you're gonna be holding his hand later while he paints the toilet brown.
-> Jason (knows what's gonna happen and does it anyway) Wally (dairy is basically a dare to him), Barry (drinks milkshakes like he's not about to meet God Almighty)
....knows ALLLLL the drama. mad chismoso. loves stirring the pot and adding fuel to the fire. then ices the cake with "who are we to judge"
-> JASON JASON JASON (thank you to wife @annaevermore her fic jason gossiping ignited something in me go and read her fic), TIM, Bruce (it's middle aged white people drama so it's less juicy but it's okay) Hal, OLLIE & by default Dinah (they are THE shit talker couple)
